Vallavanakku
Pullum Ayudham – “Phull” of
Crap!
Cast :-
Santhanam, Ashna Zaveri, Mirchi Senthil, Nagineedu, Ravi Prakash, VTV Ganesh,
Rajakumaran, Siddharth Vipin, Sugunathan
& Crew
:- Direction/S.P - Srinath, Story - S.S.Rajamouli/S.S.Kanchi, D.O.P - Shakthi/Richarad
M. Nathan, Music - Siddharth Vipin, Edit - Sai Kant
Track list:-
1. "Takkaru
Takkaru" - Lalith Anand - Mukesh - 2. "Oh Oh Nadingal Oda" - Na.
Muthukumar - Naresh Iyer/Shreya Goshal 3. "Otrai Dhevathai" - Madhan
Karky - Karthik 4. "Chellakutti" - Lalith Anand - Ranjith/Vishnupriya
Ravi 5. "Theme Song" - Muthulingam - Ananthu
The story,
backdrop and setting (Screen play),
this is a classic case of a director simply saying that he will keep dishing
out crap scenes one after the other based on the assumption that the viewers are
dumb and will lap up any crap without a whimper! Just because Santhanam who is
on a roll as a comedian decides that he is now ready to take on the lead role.
So what happens next? A director approaches Santhanam and promises to script
his entry as a Kollywood hero in a grand manner by remaking a successful Telugu
film which happens to be a remake of an English film and even a remake of successful
remakes ends up a non starter from the word go! In fact this is a case of another
Tamil comedian going astray. The last one was of course, none other than
Vadivelu. Let me try to review this crap which in my opinion simply cannot be
termed as a film!
Premise: - An imaginary village situated in some
remote corner of Tamilnadu has two feuding families. Sounds familiar! It’s
bound to! This village is ruled with an iron hand by the local feudal landlord Nagineedu.
(I really do not remember his screen name honestly I couldn’t care less).This
village is totally oblivious of the word law and order or even a cop leave alone
a police station. The younger brother of Nagineedu is killed by Santhanam’s
father in an “Aruvaal” fight for reasons best known to the director. That’s not
all Santhanam’s father is also at the same time “Arivaalized” killed by the dying
brother. Amazing isn’t it! Wait there is more to come. The grieving widow
fearing N’s wrath decides to flee with Santhanam just a baby at that time. N is
furious and as per their family tradition takes a pledge (Bishma like) to wipe
out Santhanam’s family if and when they track them down or they meekly decide
to enter the village to become “Bakhras”. N’s 2 kids become a part of the
killing with “Arivaal” pledge). This is the first of the very many examples
where the director assumes that the viewer is ready for any number of such dumb
scenes! And he boldly continues on and on without batting a eyelid!
27 years later Santhanam makes a grand entry as only a
Tamil mass hero can with a “locallu” song & dance! This is another example
of the director once again treating the viewer as dumb to the power of 2! Santhanam
has an old cycle which has a dumb looking rubbery light with a blue shade which
keeps talking on its own courtesy T.Rajender. This has nothing to do with the
premise. Please don’t ask me why because if I try to find an answer I will end
up losing a part of my marbles! Santhanam’s occupation is delivering 15lts
mineral water cans to all the nooks and corners of the city where no vehicle
dare or cannot enter. Our hard working hero loses his job as it suddenly dawns
on the owner that S lacks speed and unless he gets a “Kutti Yanai” (colloquial for
the fairly simple world tempo) he simply has to go. Honestly I feel Santhanam’s
services should have been terminated as he is always busy singing songs or
dancing on the busy streets of Chennai! Here the director being in two minds
finally must have decided that the tempo was a more logical reason! After all however
dumb the viewer is will expect some logic in the premise. Santhanam then tries
his best to raise a loan actually he approaches 1 single Marwari financier who
refuses him. Thank god the director spares the banks otherwise we would have
had to watch another 10 mins of footage! Disheartened by his tireless efforts
he broods on the terrace and even cracks an insipid joke to his uncle despite
his depressed state of mind. His uncle decides to cheer him up by revealing
that Santhanam’s father has left him a legacy in the form of 5acres of land in
the imaginary village controlled by none other than N. Absolutely ecstatic at
this amazing good fortune he decides to get back to his parental village with
an idea of selling the land and raising the money to buy the “Kutti Yanai” which
will help him continue to deliver 15ltr mineral water cans after all he is not
educated what else can you expect him to do? Become Ambani? Director is getting
cleverer & cleverer scene after scene and the viewer is becoming dumb and
dumber!
This is how Santhanam lands up in the village where
his own pre ordained death awaits him! There is this train journey to his
village which I have to necessarily mention for in this very train and
compartment, which is filled with jokers and juveniles, he meets the love of
his life the heroine, Ashna Zaveri (Train love is no longer the prerogative of
Gautham Menon). Here our hero & heroine meet in a memorable scene conceived
by the director. Three juvenile idiots try to outwit the hero to grab the
attention of the heroine and after a load of dumb quips and dumber counter quips
the scene finally culminates in the visualization of a scene where a tender
coconut takes centre stage. By the way the heroine is an artist of sorts always
with a sketch book in hand and drawing primates is her favorite pastime. And
guess who is the father of the heroine is? If the director has not mummified
your brains by now you would have guessed right N’s “Ikkalauthi beti” or to put
it in simple English, one and only daughter. Director cleverly connects the two
by stopping the train as and when it pleases him and while the railways are
wondering who the real culprit is N makes a call to his daughter on the train
while his adiyal jumps on it with tons of food which can be served to each and
every passenger on the train. In the meantime N has a side show at home where
an NRI along with his entourage which includes a cackling John Vijay (a land
broker who looks and behaves more like a pimp) is treated to a lavish lunch where
cows freely roam in the living area and are treated better than human beings.
But the moment the well fed, obnoxious broker steps out he is “Arivaalised”
(killed). Moral of this story “Never step out of N’s house if you have insulted
him or have any kind of “pagai” (dispute) known or unknown, intentional or
unintentional, logical or illogical etc. So this is a veiled warning for our
hero who is having fun time with the heroine (N’s daughter) on the train
wining, dining and even singing and dancing which is a regular pastime of all
our heroes wherever they are! To cut the story short the train finally reaches
its final destination and the heroine gets off the train in a hurry leaving her
precious sketch book behind. N, his sons along with the new entrant the
proverbial “Mora Paiyan” whisk away the heroine as Santhanam is pre occupied
with the complex task of trying to retrieve the sketch book which somehow gets
lodged in between the seat. Finally Santhanam makes his way to the village
square to enquire about his 5 acres of land and while preaching to the
villagers on their dumbness gets picked up by one of N’s sons who offers to
drop him off. What then follows really proves that this director and producer
have sincerely taken upon themselves to test the level of dumbness of cinema
viewers all over the world to the point of no return. N’s son while dropping S
off overhears that S is the son of the killer of his “Chithappa” 27 years back!
Immediately he is stunned and the director puts him on a freeze mode why? Of
course to give Santhanam the time to magically disappear into thin air! N’s son,
arrival in hand, screams, rants and raves while he runs all over the village in
search of S to “Arivaalize” him. He even tries to contact N over cell phone but
the signal is weak. Boy O Boy! Isn’t this director clever! He even accidentally
makes Santhanam and N meet in a temple and N sensing a business opportunity
(remember S has 5 acres to sell) invites him home to dine at his house. By now
all my brain cells had dimmed as I meekly decided to watch the 2nd
half.
The 2nd half: - Santhanam enters the house
and surprise! Surprise! What coincidence Santhanam meets the heroine and they
all share a meal as one big happy family. The director now suddenly remembers
that he has Santhanam the comedian under his roles and allows him to crack a
few jokes while dining. The comedy is short lived as N’s son enters, shocked to
find Santhanam happily enjoying a joyous meal with his father! All hell breaks
loose as the son reveals the truth to the father and the brother, of course in
private. After all, the director is fully aware of the women and children
present at the dining table. Immediately N and his two sons pick an Arrivaal each
and with their eyes turning red and muscles and veins twitching decide they
will finish Santhanam then and there. But better sense prevails after all they
cannot overstep the family tradition of not “Arivaalizing” any one inside the
house and more so in front of the cows! In a dramatic moment created by our
clever director, Santhanam somehow finds his way into a room and chances upon a
reveal all photo album and almost at the same time overhears the brothers
talking about killing him. The director then goes on to the cat and mouse mode!
This is where Santhanam on his own tries to pep up the
act and makes an honest attempt to make up for all the dumb acts of the
director but honestly the damage has been done and all his efforts are simply
wasted and in vain. All his antics of trying to remain inside the house as N
and his sons try to get him out to kill him, becomes ridiculously pathetic. In
fact the “Morai Paiyan” or the mama is a do-gooder who finally ends up as a
loser who desperately attempts to play match maker between Santhanam and Ashna.
The cat mouse game is trivialized and lacks any kind of intensity. The heroine
keeps changing her mind once too often and ends up being shown as a fickle
minded girl. VTV Ganesh looks more like a jester from a circus who simply sleepwalked
into a film set.
&
the Climax The director finally
decides to take the viewer to the abyss of dumbness! Starting from the cycle
chase and ending up in mindless running races and car chases. (Oh! Sorry forgot
to mention that Santhanam gets back his T.Rajender cycle. Please don’t ask me
how or why! I have by now lost all my sense of reasoning and logic.) In the
meantime the heroine finally decides that she is in love with Santhanam and not
the “Murai Payyan” and decides to elope with him but the dumb Santhanam thinks
that she only wants to help him get away from the village. While N, his sons and
adiyal are busy chasing Santhanam all over the village in an effort to “Arivaalize”
him. The villagers the police and the whole wide world have no inkling of what’s
happening in this village neither does the director. The director finally loses
his mind and freaks out. I watched the final scene quite numbed as my brain
froze and only my eyes registered colour and movement on the screen. Hundreds
of Arivaals are thrown from one side of a bridge by N and his cronies at
Santhanam as he stands on the other side of it over a gorge of sorts simply not
knowing what to do! As N and co have no more Arivaals to throw at him S lowers
a plank and quietly walks across meekly surrendering as he discovers that the
heroine actually loves him. Unmindful of all this N decides to bash up Santhanam
with bear hands owing to Arivaal shortage and finally unable to stand anymore
dumbness from the director the heroine jumps into the water to save Santhanam
but nobody can save this film! I walked out of the theatre seething with anger for
subjecting myself to such mindless and thoughtless film making!
Acting:-
My opinion on the performance of the actors? Is that your question?
Ans: - I am invoking my right under the
5th amendment under the U.S constitution and save myself from being implicated
as the royal “dumb ass”!
Finally
to sum it all up, a quote: “If the viewers endorse such films it will serve as
an encouragement to film makers who will continue to make such dumb films for
even more dumber people to watch!”
Left
right & Centre: -
Three
young men were sitting on my right. One of them constantly kept on whining
about the film. After a while his friend in total exasperation exploded! “Dei!
Indha Padamei oru Thalaivali idhukku melai neeuyum Nai Nainnu kittu! Indha padathai
ennale nirithamudiyathu at least neeyavathu niruthudda please! “– This served
as an inspiration to write this review.
Bottom
Line: - Good films have shorter reviews as they simply silence the critic! Bad films have longer reviews as the critic
needs a longer time to release the pent up anger!
My Rating :- Director/Crew - .5 Cast - .5 On Moderation For the sake of Santhanam - .25 Total 1.25/5
My Rating :- Director/Crew - .5 Cast - .5 On Moderation For the sake of Santhanam - .25 Total 1.25/5
Until
next time,
Director
Haricharan
Chennai
10/05/2014
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